merry crap for crap

it was steinbeck, or maybe sideshow bob who said-
"childhood gods fall the hardest."

the thing i liked best about david was everything.

he took me to see "alien" when i was the tiniest wisp of a girl. we spent days impersonating the mutant baby busting outta the guy's belly, adding "meep meep" roadrunner sound for emphasis. my mom was mortified.

while playing 'life', if i would say something random, like "you make money, you lose money, everywhere you go today", he would grab his guitar and turn it into a growling rock anthem.

when the three of us walked down the street, i was always in the middle holding both of their hands. sometimes they would swing me.

my eigth christmas, the kids had started floating the old 'santa be all made up and shit' rumour. and, though i didn't want to believe it, well, it made sense cuz, c'mon, a fat man in a red suit, flying over hollywood boulevard with a heaping sack 'o gifts? it is kind-of an unweildy proposition.

it was on this cusp of non-belief that i awakened, bleary eyed, and stumbled down the hall. smush. my slippered foot steppped on a smelly pile of crap. which was weird since we didn't have a dog.

i yelled for my mom and david. they surveyed the dung. wide eyed. awestruck. "holy shit" said david. "it's santa's reindeer. they took a dump in our living room."

holy jesus fucking christ. here was definitive proof of santa. not starflowers and moonbeams. but real steaming bodily proof. i went through the apartment and sure enough, there were tiny reindeer tracks and a huge 'dancerella' doll under the tree.

that bit of magic shored up my belief in santa for years. i defended him to the naysayers. i converted the fence sitters back to the side of wonder. it was a beautiful thing.

a year after he moved to london, i was looking for something in the medicine cabinet, and found the 'realistic' pile of plastic poo that he used as the deux ex machina of 'operation keep santa alive!'

i cried. not because i felt tricked or duped. but because david made everything sparkle. he made me believe.

now he was gone, and all i had left was an old lump of crap.