tickle me

tickled blue
Originally uploaded by imperialviolet.

a quick left outta chinatown and you're in the pristine beauty of elysian park.

i'm using webster's preferred definition of 'pristine'- 'an area bejeweled with drug dealers, grafitti tags, and decayed car seats half buried in rough dirt.'

but he promises the overgrown trail will wind itself up towards an unbelievably gorgeous view of the l.a. skyline. he also mentions that i should be on the look out for ticks but i ignore that part.

we scramble and climb and lose our footing a little and suddenly the 10 freeway zooms far below us, oddly adorable as the wind up cars chug furiously.

it's clear and sunny and slightly cool. i feel impossibly strong on the hike down. stalking cheetah strong. 'top o' the world, ma' strong. conquerering armada strong.

we power down a huge brunch. i actually say out loud 'i feel so good!' which comes out sounding sorta crazy and overly loud in the hipster restaurant.

back home, still feeling the afterglow of my outdoorsy physical prowress, i take off my shirt and notice a red bump on my lower back.

a hypochondriac, i'm sure that it's an imbedded tick, filled with lyme's disease, pumping facial paralysis inducing bacteria through my bloodstream.

a self aware hypochondriac, i'm also sure that it's nothing, just a minor skin irritation. but what if i'm wrong?

i google 'tick removal' and sterilize a pair of tweezers. after a minute of squeezing, a black thing burbles to the surface. i press harder and out it comes. goddamned disease ridden vermin.

now i'm just waiting for the bullseye rash to appear.

and i'm never ever encountering nature again.

will someone please bring me a pizza and some hardcore porn?