gay porn

he ended with the punch line "can you imagine me, gay porn?" it was funny, so i laughed. but inside, i felt a jumbly sort of aching and awakening. whatever this boy was selling i was buying. in a major, no looking back way. and i, who made it a habit of keeping both my jugular and soft underbelly unexposed, heard myself saying-

"maybe you don't need another friend."

he looked at me with those eyes- blue, blue, open, full of undemanding need.

"i do."

it dawned on me that there was nothing he could do or say that would make me run away. four years later, he's a chamber in my heart. i can't imagine a version of my life without him that doesn't completely suck ass. there ain't a grown up alive whose company i prefer. (if martin van buren were still with us, he might have some competition)

happy birthday, boy.