miss scarlet, in the billiard room, with a...

since we’re on the subject. i have a friend who worked as ‘making with the sexy talk’ phone girl. Kegan’s the first woman I ever met who pegged her boyfriend. a born actress and smut peddler, she actually found the job kind of fun and kicky. even felt like she was doing some good, spreading some love, without having to spread her legs. and forget what you’ve heard about phone sex operators, she’s hotty hot hot.

why did she give up the gig? just plum ran out of story ideas. if only she had harpers. she could still be making lonely men come for pennies on the dollar.

***surefire formula for hot phone sex relations:

“ONE TYPICAL THING/PLACE+ ONE SEXUAL ACT+ ONE SEXY CHARACTER= SEXY STORY

TYPICAL THINGS
Going to the bank
Shopping
On an airplane
In the bookstore
In your parents basement
Visiting the doctor/dentist/therapist

SEXUAL ACTS
Gave hand job/fingered
Fucked
Had people watch
Had anal sex
Had an orgy
Was in a gang bang

TYPICAL CHARACTERS
Landlord
Little brother’s nerdy friend
Boyfriend’s dad
Delivery guy
Total stranger from bus/train/gym/coffee shop
Cop that pulled you over
Dog or animal of choice”

try it out for yourselves. It’s fun! like clue, only with a happy ending. i’ll take an airplane, having an orgy, with the landlord from three’s company and erkel.

now where's the quick and easy equation for the rest of life's woes?