try tv/vcr repair... please?

do you want to make more money? sure, we all do.

i took a break from the crushing my heart's been taking this week for some frozen yogurt. it was frosty, fat free, and lent me the opportunity to peruse my other favorite junk food, the l.a. weekly. for those not in the know- it's an uber liberal free paper funded mostly by ads for breast augmentation and botox.

found myself unwittingly fascinated by the 'adult massage' ads.

your basic- "very erotic nude massage with ultimate hapy ending." direct. to the point. fine.

your icky trying-for-porno style- "'i'm wet just thinking about you, cum feel my x-rated ways." whatevah.

then, this new breed. a striving, faux creative, orverworked metaphor kind of thing.

"my chocolate pudding is so sweet, so intensely warm and deep, that plunging into it will be like driving a brand new range rover into a hot fudge sundae." OR

"my love hole is filled with exciting gifts. 1 hour spent inside will be like being thrown out of a car going 400 miles an hour."

wahh? is that, uh, good? who are these girls? creative writing foreign exchange students gone bad? thwarted romance novelists? and why are they trying so damn hard? it makes me sad to see all that energy and misplaced work ethic wasted on ads for $27 massages with release.

i know. what's a 22 yr old trinadadian hottie with DD bust, who is 'tight all over' supposed to do for a living?

two words. sally struthers.