i smell bacon

"i hate cows." i didn't hate cows so i marked 'false.' good thing for me because a 'true' answer on that one indicates sociopathic tendencies. "i believe other people can hear my thoughts" paranoid pschyzophrenia. "i want to go steady with young boys" you get the picture.

we were the control group- the "mentally healthy" kids. our scores would be judged against the crazies over at the mowita teen correctional facility. and i did pretty well. until this question. "i feel guilty in the presence of police officers." my answer- "hell yes"

i harbour a deep fear and loathing of utah cops. maybe it's cause they sent my pappy to prison. or maybe it's all the years of pappy calling them alternately 'the pigs' or 'the fuzz' with spitting venom. but everytime i see a roller. even though i am a female, of the milky white variety, driving the speed limit in my mom's '03 dodge stratus, i break into a cold sweat. convinced a kilo of black tar heroin has appeared in my glove box. a dead body in my trunk.

speaking of trunks. i took a certain boy up on his offer to 'tempt fat' and well, the rough trade went slightly astray. he ended up naked, bound and gagged in my mom's trunk with nothing but a box of ho hos and nudie pics of chloris leachman for company. luckily he discovered the 'child safety latch' and was able to escape to safety.

i eluded the pigs and am now back in the bosom of my loving l.a. and no-one sent me any porn. fie on you!