stalkers unite

a sister. interesting proposition. not that i was disinterested. more like semi-interested with a healthy dose of dubiosity.

she born a year before me. an early seventies high schoolers', free lust, 'whooops!' child. her mom had no love for my dad and the feeling was mutual. even still, he braved a snowstorm to find baby tanya in colorado. her mom called the cops and bid him a non-fond 'fuck you.' her boyfriend adopted the baby and my dad never saw her again.

when i was 17, tanya returned to utah. my ex-stepmom gave me her phone number, said she was eager to meet me.

my best friend stacie drove me to denny's, where i was to rendevous with my estranged half-sibling. a panicky doom descended and i suddenly thought this was the worst idea ever.

"this is stupid, stacie. turn around."

she refused. and so, i stood at the entrance, 'moons over my hammy' wafting yummily my way... do i go in?

'pick you up in an hour. have fun! you'll love having a sister. i love all my sisters and brothers!' (stacie was perky like that.)

i went in, because of the look on my dad's face and the way he jumped around the room when i called her. cagey. nervous. hopeful. sheepish. he wanted us to meet and like each other and then he wanted the three of us to have dinner. he wanted to know his other kid. how could i say no?

tanya was thick and blond and curly of hair. big blue eyes and already halfway through an order of fried mushrooms with ranch sauce. she dispensed with the pleasantries and launched into the body of her wildy inaccurate tirade.

"my mom talked your stepmom and we want you to stop stalking me."

'i'm sorry?"

"don't be sorry. just stop. seriously, parking in front of my high school every day, watching me get on the bus and crying because you don't know your sister? pathetic. running away from home to try and find me in ohio and refusing to come home until your dad promised to hire a private investigator? insane, bordering on psycho. i don't want to know you. i don't want to meet YOUR dad. i want to be left alone. got it?"

before i could even muck my way through these wavelets of bizarre, she was already up and throwing down a five dollar bill.

"don't ever call me again."

she wore guess jeans. i saw the triangle on her ass as she triumphed out the door. i fired slowly back-

"i don't even have a car. how could i be sitting in front of your high school?"

"ohio? i always thought you lived in colorado."

"dad's gonna be so fucking sad."

but she was gone, so i polished off her fried mushrooms and waited for stacie to pick me up.