silver lining

my level of non-enjoyment upon receiving the mass email was vast and high.

its cloyingly loving tendrils reached out in a neon pink san serif font:

"did you know that AT LEAST 6 people love you enough to die for you?!" (a) i'm pretty sure not b) ewww. gross. there ain't a single person i want dyin' on my behalf. i'll take my own damn death when it comes for me.)

"did you kow that if you hugged everyone who secretly loves you, that the energy from that love could power a small village for a week??!!!"

on and on it goes. feel good pablum that makes me feel so bad. there's this terrific picture entitled "my squid suit makes me feel isolated." for some reason, that's the feeling i get upon receiving generic messages of love and brotherhood.

same thing for greeting cards and anthemic love songs.

but yesterday, i discovered a delicious, idiosyncratic truffle of 'you-are-not-alone-ness.' a look at my site meter revealed that someone found me using the google search-

"if i were jack the ripper, would you still kiss me?"

the fact that i can't quickly explain why and how much that means to me, makes it mean more. i opened their search page.

i saw the quote, in all small letters, and a list of potential 'hits.' two of them were my site. one was a beulah fan site, another was a music lover who had also written about magnetic fields and beat happening.

i felt all connected and happy knowing that someone, somewhere, was sitting at their computer querying this lyric. i don't know why. i don't know what they were hoping to find.

but they found me.

and suddenly my squid suit feels less isolating.

ahhhhhhh.