hello solopsism, where you been?

i've heard that the desire to create a weblog is akin to the desire to participate in a reality show, wet tee shirt contest, or other display of wanna be famedom. that the wired world is the perfect place for frustrated fame seekers and exhibitionists. and that's cool, ain't nothing wrong with seeking some sun on your face, a little unconditional love, the chance to be a star in the digital universe.

but i don't think that's anywhere near the whole story. at least not for me. people who know me in the flesh and blood world (methinks) would say that i don't like to share the private stuff, that i hold those cards right up close to the old vest. i've been accused of not letting people in, of helping but not accepting help. of a refusal to be vulnerable.

people who love me have been frustrated that they don't hear about the hard times and heartbreakes until they are long past their ability to sting. until they become fodder for an amusing anecdote. when i'm in it, you don't hear about it.

then i started this site. and the idea was to be vulnerable and put it out there and not fear what others might think or how my words might affect an image people have of me. and it's been beyond the pale wonderful. wonderful and freeing. and the people i've come to know inspire me daily.

here's the rub. how does a private person, who chooses to write in a public arena, share the stuff that's going on-- in real time? hmmm.... i never really learned how. that's why i've been quiet lately. so much swirling. so hard to find the words.

maybe i should invite you all over and we'll drink too much root beer and get silly. lotsa group hugging. then it'll all go south. pudding. ninjas. generalized shenanigans. that's what i'm hoping for.

we all go south.